I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was born a porn star she said
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
