yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
