id be glad to
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
