There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
