Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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