My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
