weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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