i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
