Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize