the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
