I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
