i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
