we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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