Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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