well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
