I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
