im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
