it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
