No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
