too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
