my phone needs a breathalizer
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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