so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
