Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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