I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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