You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
