i love accidental penises.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
