Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
