Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
