she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
