Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
should my penis look like a turkey
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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