i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I AM VODKA MAN
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
