You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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