Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
