I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
