She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
