meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
