I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Vodka?
Forever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize