I smell stomach acid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
