I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
