Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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