my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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