Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
