i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize