The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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