Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
