Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
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as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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