Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
