I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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