i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
