The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
