so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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