I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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