I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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