No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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