O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
