so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
