I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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