Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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