I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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