Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
