Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
