Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
