she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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