and she was petting her beer can
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
