i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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