Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
